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rollingheart: (Natalie grass)
I think the Aspie bit is more interesting and impactful than the Asexuality bit. On the latter, I don't believe it's so extreme as to dislike or avoid sex. It's just that I don't look at people that way. Demisexuality is a possibility (attraction once a personal relationship is established). In the end, I don't think it matters that much. Still up for sex in the end. LOL

It's weird to read back through the cognitive functions and be able to pick out the aspects that reflect aphantasia or AS. No wonder it's confused me so much. Like Ni...Something like "a lot of thought takes place unconsciously". Well, yea. I'm NOT a visual thinker because I can't be. I don't even know what that means. Most of my thought process feels 'hidden' from me, and it takes awhile to go from a vague impression to actual words. But I don't have Ni. That's aphantasia. Fi seems very Aspie like to me, but I think that comes down to not comprehending a lot of social rules. I have my own way of looking at how people should act and how things should be, and I don't really understand what's expected of me at times. That's not Fi though.
I took the Love Languages test. It says Quality Time and Receiving Gifts, but the gifts thing was only because I didn't care for the other option I had on those questions. All of the physical touch questions were either geared towards "in public" or "just anyone I love". I would say:

  1. Quality Time (I just like being with people. No need to be or do anything special, just spend time together.)

  2. Physical Touch (with an SO, I can be like glue. Friends/family, I tolerate because of what it signifies, although I do NOT like being kissed outside of an SO. Outside of that...eh...)

  3. Acts of Service (I find it touching when someone does something for me because I said I liked 'such and such' because it shows they actually listened to me. Even if it's dorky little things.)

  4. Receiving Gifts (Again, I like small, meaningful gifts that actually reflect a relationship or personality. I get uncomfortable when showered with lots of gifts...like I need to reciprocate SOON or maybe this person wants something from me.)

  5. Words of Affirmation (I don't dislike it...I feel very awkward with it. If someone is prone to saying a lot to me (like a love letter), I start to feel very stressed over how to reciprocate.)

MBTI has been readjusted to INTP. I need a big flashing sign: "The fact that you're questioning again is proof you're INTP!" But...I want to re-analyze until I go crazy. D: Or get a headache.
rollingheart: (Natalie grass)
I listened to the first 3 chapters of Knowing God by J.I. Packer this morning on the way to work. Good so far. I actually feel pretty joyful since figuring this crap out. I felt bad in the past for obsessing about things and then losing interest, but it's just the natural ebb and flow for me. Take advantage of it while I can, and then patiently wait for things to loop back around.

I still think MBTI is pointless right now. I've tried reconsidering my type, but things aren't clicking yet. Not to mention the whole thing gives me a headache to think about it, so it's not time anyway. I'll just go on being myself, and we'll see what jumps out?

I was thinking maybe the BHA and AHA doesn't do much for me because I'm not using a ph adjusting toner first like I'm supposed to. I ordered one. XD If that still doesn't do much, I may look into some other kind of acid. I'm intrigued at the possibility using it to help prevent clogged pores. Retinol is interesting, but learning that you can't wax skin while using it is kinda annoying. I like to wax my eyebrows. (Retinol thins the skin, so you might rip off skin while waxing...Hell no. D: ) But then I wonder if I should be ripping wax off of my skin anyway. Tweezing might be better in the long run.

One of the things Craft mentions in Everyday Aspergers is how she doesn't feel like she's beautiful unless she looks AMAZING with no makeup or special hair styling etc. I doubt it has anything to do with AS, but I feel the same way. I think that's why my nails peeling bothers me so much. They should look perfectly amazing when I remove my polish! You know, instead of sucking it up, and babying my nails with strengthening polish like a normal person.

rollingheart: (a new path)
Sometimes when I get obsessed with something and research like crazy, it feels like I'm waking up from a dream and stepping out onto a new planet when I get done. Or maybe I'm a bit different from all I've learned. Who knows. It's the same feeling I have after sitting in a movie theater for 2 hours and coming out into the bright sunlight afterwards.

I see there are two approaches to the whole Aspie* thing. 1) You're mentally ill because your brain works differently. 2) You just think differently because your brain is different, and there's nothing wrong with you. Of course, the latter is best. It doesn't make sense to categorize it as mental illness unless it seriously hampers one's ability to interact with the world. In that sense, it's like homosexuality. If homosexuality is caused by a difference in brain structure (I don't remember if this idea has been discarded or what), then what's the difference with Aspergers? Same goes for Aphantasia. I suppose this is where the term neurodiversity comes in. I'm not crazy. I'm not going to think I'm Jesus reincarnate or think I can fly off of a rooftop (you know what I mean). I'm not going to think everyone is out to kill me. That is mental illness.

*I kind of like this term best atm. It sounds more like a type of person rather than an illness.

All this is forcing me to remember how I used to be, how I have adapted my behavior to get by easier with other people. All of my life I've had this need to learn and do things the right way, but I think along the way it's shoved down a lot of my personality, especially the things that have drawn people to me in the past. I'm sure there's some kind of balance.

Like I mentioned before, this makes me feel the need to reassess MBTI. I'm a bit confused. Charity had one post tagged for aspergers, a question post. She talks about it's still the same thing of focusing on thought process and not behavior. (And then you have other people who say you can't apply MBTI at all to those out of the norm.) I guess the confusion comes from seeing how many things I do correlate to NT types. Perhaps that's the behavior part. But I know as a teen--before I got really far along with adjusting myself to others--I routinely typed as xNFP. I even took the official MBTI test when I was about 15-16 and got ENFP. I think if I act like I feel on the inside, that is very accurate. But on the outside...I come off as NT. I'm not good at showing empathy. I can feel it all day long, but how to show it is a mystery to me. (The most recent example of this was the shellshocked woman who came into the vet after seeing her kitten run over by a car. That was painful.) I express myself in a logical, emotionless manner MOST of the time. I do what makes sense. The whimsy part usually comes out in poetry or other artistic efforts. Or in pointing out things that interest me. I like to point out pretty colors, flowers, interesting items in stores (my mom always thought I was trying to get her to buy things, and it pissed her off to no end. LOL I just thought it was interesting!). I think one of you described me as childlike yet pensive once, and that's pretty accurate.

I could see Aspergers actually being very Fi. Having a peculiar way of seeing the world and approaching life and not really being able to do it from the usual way.

Thinking back to the Spencer Reid comparison, I think he's actually typed as INTP heavily leaning to INFP since the actor himself is INFP.

Misc Stuff

Apr. 2nd, 2017 07:33 pm
rollingheart: (Teese)
I'm honestly starting to think that I may not have a sensitivity to any ingredient in particular. My skin just sometimes reacts to things and sometimes it doesn't.

Last night and this morning I threw all kind of products on my skin, and nada. I'm fine. I'm going to use all that I've bought, and if something bothers my skin, I'll put it away for a week or so.
The whole possible AS thing throws MBTI into a new light, but I'm not at the point of actively pursuing that atm.
In my AS researching, I came across a post about heavy periods and AS and giving actually measurements for average periods....and mine is definitely abnormally heavy. Which then suggested the need for an iron supplement. Iron (and D) was purchased, and I've started taking it. We'll see if this helps my energy levels.


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